The Urgency

I think i might've figured out why. I am well understood, and know about how limited time is, but it was just knowing because I truly haven't had the sense of urgency. Like when I quit my job 10 months ago, I know I simply had to do it, but there's no plan whatsoever. That sense of urgency, ended just right there. Because I have the saving and security (free place to live) that could last me for much longer, with freedom of doing anything or whatever you may call it.

But I don't think it works really well. This facade is only keeping me away from the reality I really need to face, and being stagnant in a security that grants the illusion of freedom only delay the inevitable, and that i have only less than a year to make the term with myself.

I realize that it is the urgency that lacking. Next month i am going move on to a new place, renting an apartment, alone. Something I haven't at once seeing myself doing, in life (there's of course 8 years ago, but wasn't alone). This decision is going to exhaust all the things I've saved for a year at least. That will be the case if I don't figure out how to keep the pace going, like making the current project working, finding a new job, or anything that gives the urgency. Even renting a new place, living all alone is enough to give you that sense. I am living for someone's word that says, you haven't really lived, until you've lived out there all alone.

Well, I've only a life. Eventually it'll be over, right.